Channel Frederator Blog

“HIGHLIGHTS” FROM THE UPCOMING FUTURE OF ANIMATION”
As predicted by Fred Graver

NOVEMBER 2007. Apple releases “iPhone,” featuring ringtones from the history of animation, including a special rendition of “Christmastime is Here” from “A Charlie Brown Christmas.” Holiday suicide rate rises 40%.

NOVEMBER 2010. WorldWideWikiCartoon launches. Effort to create first “Open Source” cartoon stalls during “flame war” over whether “Acme” is funnier than “Joe’s.”

JULY 2012. GoogleToons. You don’t want to know. It searches in your head. It appears as a thought balloon. It’s bad.

JULY 2015. New software is embedded in phones, which allows users to record something to video and immediately turn it into cartoon form. Unfortunately the effect where your head flattens and then bounces back after you hit it with a frying pan ONLY works in the animation. Emergency room “hit self with frying pan” visits rise 40%.

SEPTEMBER 2020. Pixar’s “Virtual Bum Fights” launches. Game is based on holograms of bums fighting in your living room, features voices of Tom Hanks, Whoopi Goldberg and John Ratzenberger. Hackers and obsessive fans quickly discover “Easter Egg” feature where Bum-like Steve Jobs kicks the ass of Bum-like Jeffrey Katzenberg.

SEPTEMBER 2030. America’s longest-running television cartoon, Adult Swim’s “Johnny Fuckerfaster,” finally leaves the air after 25 years.

JANUARY 2050. In a burst of nostalgia, America begins returning to what had once been known as “Movies.” Surprise “Movie” hit of the year features two working class delivery men from old MTV Video “Money For Nothing,” voiced by Whoopi Goldberg and John Ratzenberger.

APRIL 2100. Millions of desperately over-achieving new parents delightedly install “Uterovision” inside pregnant Moms, hoping to give their fetuses a chance to be educated while still in the womb. Images displayed on uterine wall include “Baby Mozart Toons” and old Pixar cartoons.

APRIL 2200. Old digital files of John Ratzenberger’s voice, duplicated more than any human voice has ever been duplicated due to appearance in all Disney/Pixar/American animation since 2010, “find themselves” through bizarre Artificial Intelligence fluke. The Ratzenberger Virus takes over every digital device on earth, causes all computers to speak and think like John Ratzenberger. Serene phase of global “hanging out” gives rise to global “why try so hard” era, gives rise to “You think Tim Allen is FUNNY?” era, when all digital devices stop work in protest.

Fred Graver began his career in the early 80s at “National Lampoon”. He left “Lampoon” in 1984 to join “Late Night with David Letterman”, where he worked as a writer until 1990. Graver went on to join the staff of “In Living Color”, and then “Cheers” where he worked as a writer and, eventually, co-producer. In the mid-90s, Graver worked at ABC / Disney and Walt Disney Imagineering to explore “Telefusion” — what would happen when the computer and the television collided. In the late 90s, he joined MTVi, the interactive group at MTV Networks, where he ran VH1.Com, SonicNet and Country.Com. As of 2006, he is Executive Producer and Creator of “Best Week Ever” on VH1, and runs the Bestweekever.tv.

For our upcoming Channel Frederator awards party, we asked a bunch of animation folks to contribute to our program by answering the question, “Why Are You Excited About the Future of Cartoons?” And Fred’s essay was born.